In the video below, I provide some clear clues for identifying certain kinds of self-sabotaging behavior:
Not fashionable lateness, or cultural lateness (such as never arriving on time to a party), but always being late for scheduled appointments or meetings, and finding excuses for doing so.
Overindulging in things such as overeating, or TV binge-watching, exercise, sex, etc.
A habit of indecisiveness that drains your energy and that of those around you.
Not taking care of yourself (which can also be a strategy to elicit concern and attention from those around you).
These and other self-destructive behaviors may occur when you listen to your noisy brain, rather than to your loving and attentive heart. When you do this, in essence, the brain separates from the heart and hijacks your attention in ways that essentially come from a place of ego and unknowing.
The antidote to these behaviors is mindfulness, along with attention to the wise voice of the heart. When faced with indecision, for instance, dropping our attention into the heart (and breath), deep into the level below all that brain-noise, can restore our balance and perspective, so that we make decisions that are beneficial to us.
In martial arts, there’s a term called “double-weightedness,” which means being caught flat-footed, unable to move in any direction. Indecision can be thought of as a form of mental/emotional double-weightedness that paralyzes us. Only by dropping into heart/mindfulness can we gather ourselves, recover our true balance, and move forward in a positive direction.
Self-realization can take the place of self-sabotage. With heartful attention, our lives can become much easier, and allow our interactions with others to become smoother and more meaningful.
Drop into your heart to find your clear direction.